Reflecting over my life and the decisions I have made thus far I do not feel any of the decisions lacked emotion. I am an emotional person and it is very difficult for me to act on anything without having a feeling towards the decision which sometimes makes it difficult for me to remain unbiased. I tend to evoke emotion and passion in almost everything I do whether I am making a life altering decision or choosing my outfit for the day, every decision depends on how I feel in that moment. I have often struggled with understanding if my emotions will lead me to success or failures since I usually cannot determine until after the fact of the matter and this is where it is good for me to also use logic and facts. In my life two different situations in which I had to make that involved an emotional impact were one where I was confident and my emotions were fully charged in my decision to take the job as a Financial Aid Counselor at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University Worldwide, and the other in which I was not confident which was deciding to enroll in the graduate program the Science of Leadership.
In September of 2010 I was working for a CCR Total Turf Company and I was beyond done with my current position as an office manager. I began working there shortly after graduating from college in 2008 as an administrative assistant. My Dad was a current partner at that time and needed someone to step in to help as their office had undergone some drastic changes and they were shorthanded. I needed a job and they needed an employer so it was a perfect opportunity to gain some real professional experience. After starting the office they continued to face multiple challenges as their newly appointed office manager began embezzling their money so they again appointed a new manager. I continued operating as the administrative assistant until the day came where the current office manager decided she no longer wanted to work for the company. With no other options I was now appointed the office manager. I assumed my previous responsibilities as well as absorbed all of hers. I quickly learned why this position was not as appealing as I once thought it could be.
The company was facing many challenges with the falling economy. People began cancelling jobs and maintaining a contract wasn’t as easy as it used to be. People wanted bargains and they wanted more for their money than they were once satisfied with. After the loss of pretty substantial contracts conflict within began to reach an all time high and one day there was an explosion of emotions, and my Dad was the odd man out after all he was partnering with two brothers. Once my dad was out I was alone unable to quit due to my own responsibilities of maintaining a house, car payment, insurances etc. I began searching for a position I actually was interested in and not one that was handed to me.
I found out ERAU was looking for a financial aid counselor and I knew right then I was the right candidate. I applied in September, but didn’t hear anything. I started to feel hopeless until the position was again posted in October. I was beyond thrilled I knew this time I was getting a call, and shortly after applying I did! As I prepared for my first interview I was feeling emotionally charged with excitement confidence and motivation. I knew that this was the job I wanted and I was going to do everything I could to obtain it. My first interview went good and I was called back for a second one. The second interview involved the Director of Financial Aid and this didn’t intimidate me as I thought it would because I knew in my gut I was the right candidate and all I had to do was let him see my willingness to learn. After I left that day I felt like I nailed it and I guess I did because that December they called to offer me the position! Never before did I feel such a sense of relief. My last two weeks at CCR were different then all the previous ones because everything seemed brighter. Smells smelled better and I felt like my life was about to begin, finally. I knew that day nothing was going to be the same and things were going to get better and they have! I love my job. I love my coworkers even on bad days. I love ERAU and all the amazing benefits they have to offer their staff. I love my degree I am currently pursuing and I love the way I am treated by my professors, and I love that I made that decision to take the position here at ERAU.
In October of 2011 I was nine months into my position as the Eastern Region Financial Aid Counselor. I had undergone nine straight months of financial aid training and I was finally coming into my own as the counselor. I was handling most my student’s issues with ease and becoming more confident in my new responsibilities. I have always enjoyed going to school and upon graduating from the University of Central Florida I decided I would eventually like to go back and get my Master degree. So when I started ERAU I began looking at the different degree programs they had to offer. Being a psychology major it felt like nothing seemed to be of interest and I began to look at other colleges because I wanted to continue my education no matter the costs. As I began reviewing programs offered at another local private college I caught word of a new degree program call the Science of Leadership and my ears perked up. I immediately ran down to a coworker’s office to inquire more about this new program coming our way. After learning more about it I knew I wanted to enroll once classes became available so I applied and was accepted in ERAU.
In a time where I thought I should be excited and confident in my future ventures I became overwhelmed with fear, self-doubt and anxiety. I started second guessing everything that had led me to that point. I felt like I was not going to be able to handle the course load. I didn’t think I was smart enough because the gap between my undergraduate degree and the start of this one was four long years, and I couldn’t remember how to even get in a routine of homework let alone taking the classes online. I knew in the past I lack discipline and going into this program I knew I couldn’t allow myself to procrastinate with nine week courses. I was no longer a teenager living at home slacking off and it was not going to be as easy to get things done now that I was working full time, married and about to have my first child. The reality of the situation as well as the seriousness made me question my character and who I was.
After talking about my worries with my husband I quickly assessed these emotional dilemmas and realized my past experiences had led me to where I was. I knew that I was not going to behave the same way I did in the past simply because I recognized where I needed to improve and I knew I had since matured with my experiences. I am now about to complete my sixth graduate class and over the past year and a half I have maintained a 4.0 GPA, birthed my first child, played an active role as a financial aid counselor and grown as an individual. Enrolling in the program was the best decision I could have made and without the emotional fears I might have made the same decision. These fears allowed me to reflect on who I was and what I wanted in life.
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