In chapter 14 of Messages, McKay, Davis and Fanning finally go over a topic I take pride in ‘Making Contact’. I am very good at making contact because I am just very comfortable talking to anyone and everyone. I am usually the first to initiate a conversation with someone new. I find myself drawn to the withdrawn and or shy; sometimes it feels like my sole purpose of attending an event is to help others feel more comfortable. I originally was pursuing to a career to become a psychologist because of my ability to listen to others and make them feel comfortable enough to disclose their personal information that normally wouldn’t happen in an average encounter.
For example in December of 2011 I was 8 months pregnant at my doctor’s office undergoing my glucose screening when I ran into an older woman in the parking lot. I stopped to open the door for her and she was so grateful since walking with a walker made this very difficult for her. As I opened the door I asked how her day was going thus far and she responded with a not so happy response. Next I asked her if she was ok since seeing her facial expression and uneasiness and that is when she began to disclose her personal information about herself. I found out that she was undergoing a physical and her seeing me brought memories of when she was pregnant many years ago, however she lost her baby due to complications and was unable to get pregnant again. When hearing this I instantly felt a sense of sorrow for her loss and she could feel it too. She smiled at me and told me she was ok. In the five minutes of meeting her over a simple hello she was able to engage with me on a deeper level and in that moment we were able to share a connection. As she walked inside I could tell she felt better talking about a painful memory even though I was a complete stranger and she appreciated my concern for her.
These types of occurrences happen to me often, and that is why I have taken it upon myself to improve the way I communicate with others. In the text the author’s point out many important guidelines that I feel are very effective. Body language is extremely important while communicating. A person can fake a lot of the things they say or do, but body language is a secret language that is hard to fake. If you act uninterested by having your arms folded or looking away the other person will pick this up and feel a sense of rejection. It is very important to have good posture, make eye contact, smile and move towards the other person. These simple gestures make the contact between you and the other person more genuine. I find icebreakers are the easiest way to “break the ice”. If I am ever stuck in a line somewhere such as the DMV I will make a point to converse with someone because it makes the experience more pleasant as the wait times are normally lengthy. If I see a woman I will do a quick scan and find something I like such as her shoes. I will look at her directly and say to her that I like them and the conversation goes from there.
Once I get a stranger to converse with me I maintain active listening and empathize in any way I can. If they are stressing about something I try to make a joke to lighten the mood. I do anything I can to extend an olive branch and show I am interested in what they have to say. If they self disclose I self disclose back and if I cannot provide a decent example I try and put myself in their shoes and make an educated response.
These different tactics have proven to be very effective in my personal life. I am working on dealing with my rejection better as there are many times people just don’t feel the need to engage with me all the time. Sometimes this leaves me feeling hurt or embarrassed. I made a list of the negative feelings associated with my rejection and two of the main feelings I feel are that I am annoying or stupid. I have replaced these thoughts with positive ones. If I feel stupid I realize I simply forgot the point I was trying to make and I remind myself they have had that happen to them before. If I feel annoying I tell myself that if they are not interested that’s ok and I need to be ok with it too. I will continue to make contact with anyone and everyone throughout the rest of my life regardless of a chance of feeling rejection. I would rather engage with people than feel lonely in a crowd.
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