Communication is a very difficult task in its self let alone making sure you are communicating how you feel without coming off the wrong way. There are so many things a person needs to be aware of when they are in a professional atmosphere such as their body language, your paralanguage, meta-messages and hidden agendas. In order to become a successful professional you have to learn how to develop a way to deliver a positive message without showing your inner struggles. This can be a very difficult task because most people are unaware that they are communicating in an ineffective way. I have been guilty of saying “I am ok” but giving the opposite message to someone. I have also experienced what it feels like to have someone tell me one thing but their inner message comes out completely different.
My co-worker is a very sweet lady who would probably do anything for you if you needed her; however she would also make you feel like any favor was a complete inconvenience to her. I don’t believe she is aware of her tendencies to treat people this way. For example I came into the Financial Aid Department and took over her region so she was the person assigned by our Director to train me. Through my training she taught me an abundance of information and was very patient with me. We got to know each other very well and developed a great friendship. Now that I am on my own there comes times when I still have questions and must refer back to her for help in learning how to handle these situations. Recently when I have asked for her assistance she has made it very clear that she does not want to assist me with her body language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agenda.
The other day I asked her to help me with a scholarship questions which is her department as she is now the manager in scholarships and grants and her first reaction was a smile and then she said “well of course doll”, but then as she stood up she slammed her pen at her desk with a force. I knew right there I was annoying her. She then stood over my desk; arms crossed listening to my question. She replied with a very monotone answer that had no rhythm but was straight to the point. I felt stupid for even asking my question, as she stated after answering me with “is that all you needed?” emphasizing on the all. I answered automatically with a pleasant “yes!” feeling like I just ruined her day. Shortly after she returned to her desk she started talking about “how annoying it is when people ask you questions when she is in the middle of doing something”. I knew she was referring to me so I automatically responded with “sorry” and she replied “oh not you doll!” This experience had many incongruent messages that were not matching up with her true inner messages.
From these experiences I have now made myself more aware of how I react when someone reaches out to me for help. Although I am new I have picked up certain aspects of financial aid that other people still struggle with. My other co-worker frequently asks for my assistance in completing a packaging process as he still struggles with it. When he asks me I always take a minute to reflect on my negatives experiences and react in a much different way. I simply let him know if I can’t jump up at that moment because I am in the middle of something to prevent my message communicating a sense of annoyance for being interrupted. If I am available I roll my chair over to him to make him feel comfortable and relaxed in knowing I am here to help and I will be right next to you at the same level. I keep my arms uncrossed; both legs on the floor and all of my responses are in an encouraging tone. For example in completion of a task I tell him “you’ve got it!” and smile. All of the words are emphasized to show I am very pleased with his results. My volume and articulation of words I use also show my enthusiasm for him. I am not phony in my responses or reactions as I try to focus at the task at hand and put all of my hidden agendas aside.
I am the type of person to have a hidden agenda of “I’m tough” giving off a degree of an overwhelmed attitude because I am currently dealing with more stressors than I have ever experienced. I don’t want to convey these signals to whomever I am speaking with because I know that they don’t want to hear about my responsibilities anymore than I want to be overwhelmed with theirs. So in keeping a positive attitude and leaving my home life at home and vice versa when I leave I have been able to maintain a pretty healthy relationship with all of my co-workers from the sour attitudes to the positive ones. I regroup and try to recognize the type of person I am dealing with and then adjust my own responses to fit theirs as this allows me to remain friendly and drama free in my professional atmosphere.
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